To be Jealous is just an emotion like happy, sad, cranky, excited, bored, grumpy and angry. It is perfectly okay to feel it once in a while as a kid. Normally kids face this feeling between the ages of 5 years to 6 years but sometimes it arrives early. Though feelings are very good to learn, it is very important to teach your kids which feeling they should accept and which one should be avoided. For example we have to teach our kids that we should choose happiness over sadness and we should avoid jealousy and anger as much as possible.
One day my 6 years old daughter came to me and asked “mom do you think that aunt doesn’t like me?”
I was really surprised and eager to know her point of view so I started conversation with “of course not dear, what did make you think like that?”
And here what I got “because she always praises my friend but not me!!!”
And I got the whole story. The friend she was talking about was very confident at early age. That girl used to visit many places alone and so we did talk about her couple of times and my daughter overheard some of those conversations.
For kids it is very common to compare themselves with others. Once they turn 5 they look at the people to be best. They try to copy their parents, their teachers, their friends, their neighbors or anyone who looks best to them. As a result they follow them blindly. Well it is not their fault; they just want to be best. And if their best people complements other than them they feel they are not up to the mark and get into the competition. As a parent it is our responsibility to teach our kids that there is no competition and there is no word like best. We don’t do things to impress others and there is no need of others to love us.
Things became easy for me because I knew my daughter was little jealous to be best and I knew exactly what I needed to do here and that worked too. And so I came up with one more article. (As most of my articles are my experiences only).
I explained her two things: 1.There is no comparison. Everyone is different. When we praise someone that just includes someone not you. 2. Even if Aunt likes her friend more, she shouldn’t be worried about that. Everyone likes different things, different food, different clothes and so as people. You cannot be favorite of all. And that is perfectly okay.
Mostly this feeling comes for friends, cousins, classmates or siblings. Sometimes they compare themselves with others or sometimes they notice their parents doing the same. Sometimes they overheard something and sometimes they simply misunderstand the things. They have little knowledge of being best and that makes them little confuse.
And so here I am demonstrating when kids become jealous first:
- When kids are not getting enough attention: Well we can’t define enough here because each kid needs different amount of time and comfort. 5 years is big milestone and brings big changes in your kids, and so their requirements changes too. Till now they were looking for your physical presence but now they want you to be present both mentally and physically. What you need to do is just spend quality time with your kids instead of looking for quantity time only. You might be giving your best but here they are the boss.
- When their favorites pay attention to others: This was the case with my daughter and it is very easy to overcome when you have good parent-kid relationship. If you are enough close to your kids’ heart they won’t really mind all these things for long time and understand your explanation too but if you are not you must work on that.
- When they overheard the conversation: Kids’ minds are very tricky, they think in different way and so you must be careful with your words and/or action when they are around.
- When this feeling is inherited: If you feel jealous once in a while then chances of your kids’ being jealous are higher. Not because it is in your genes but because somewhere somehow you will surely express your jealousy by one or another way and as kids are cute copy cats they will copy this too. Work on your feelings to manage theirs.
Do you think your kid is jealous to be best? If yes then follow these rules to help them to deal with their feeling:
- Pay attention, pay it little more.
- Don’t discuss kids’ when they are around.
- Make regular conversation with your kids. Best place is your dining table. Ask questions like who is best in school, who is good in sports, who is good in reading etc. They don’t need to be best in all. All have different attribute.
- Model others but not too much.
- Stop justifying your kids did or feelings in front of others. That encourages their wrong behavior. Bad is bad no matter what is the reason.
- Do not feel pity on your kid, you are making them weak.
- Scold at the right time not all the times. They should know what is wrong exactly when that happens.
- Make sure your kids get enough sleep. Sleep is the solution for each and every problem. If they are fresh, their mind is ready to accept the truth and analyze the facts else just not.
- Give hugs and kisses frequently. That helps your kids to grow and nourish their brain and body.
- Don’t forget to mention one good did of your kid before you call it a night.