These days, people are so much detached from their families, from their love ones, from their friends, from their neighbours and from their relatives. We are more attached to social medias than real social lives. Teenagers are confused between true friends and fake friends, youngsters are confused between true love and crush, married couples are confused between commitments and freedoms and mature adults are confused between staying with family or not. Many of us prefer to keep our parents in old age home and kids in day care. And for that elderly people blame their adult kids who abandoned them, and young adults blame their parents for not enough cooperation, but the truth is, no matter whom you blame in all the above cases, the real reason behind all these detachments is our parenting style.
It is our parenting style where we forget to teach three things 1. Patience 2. Acceptance/adjustment 3. Attachment.
Here are the reasons why our kids are not really attached to people:
- We raise our kids with guilt: We all know “Time is the best gift you can give your kids” but still we become materialistic. We believe that 1. Things can bring happiness and we can afford it than why not? 2. We feel guilt for not able to spend enough time with our kids and to cover that guilt, we give them gifts. And that’s exactly where we forget that our kids need us more than things. Knowingly or unknowingly, we try to teach them that people can be replaced by things. Waiting for things help them to discover their patience level and later that helps them to connect with people. So here, we are not only taking away their parents’ time but also their power of patience. “To wish for the things, to wait for the things, to get the things and to be able to leave those things for others” is actual life and that’s the main thing we forget to teach our kids while raising them with little guilt. So, leave the guilt aside and believe that you are doing your best and shower your love instead of showering your gifts.
- We forget to remind our kids that kindness is essential: Little adjustment is also kind and kindness is essential. Our parenting style fits with all the modern facilities but when it comes to adjustments, we are lacking. Earlier, people used to sacrifice little things for family. Well at that time, it was necessity. Few people used to sacrifice happily while others were forced to. But due to these little sacrifices, they learned to give up things for family. And they used to learn it as a kid at very young age. Now we all do things for ourselves and we call it our space, our me time or our independent life. Nothing wrong in that but balance is must. Earlier there were too much sacrifices and now there is too much freedom. Anything excess is not good. So, keep the last piece of chocolate for your kids (Just as an example) to show them how little sacrifices can bring smile on someone’s face.
- We live in uncertainty: Frequent changes in house, school, neighbourhood, friends, maids or nanny is very common when we live in nuclear families. We don’t even mind these changes which is good in one way but due to that, kids don’t get enough time to come closer to people. As a result, they might get many friends but not real friends with whom they can share things. We must teach our kids that people are precious, and we need to take care of these relations too. We must know that freedom comes with responsibilities and when we offer this environment to our kids, our responsibilities doubles. So, even if you are not social, you must need to start working on your kids’ attachments little more.
So, if you are not sure about your parenting style, here are some guidelines to adopt right parenting style to get your kids near to your family, near to their friends and near to themselves:
- Surprise your kids with small notes in their tiffin box to show your affection towards them.
- Help them to sacrifice little. For example, instead of cooking everyone’s favourite dishes every day, take turns to cook one dish in a day. Dine together and discuss whose favourite dish it is and how it doesn’t affect much to individuals.
- Little wait is always appreciated and so, help your kids to wait for the things worth waiting for. You can start showing this by making cookies or ice cream together.
- Write letters or messages to grandparents, relatives or old friends with your kids.
- Introduce family as a whole by distributing enough responsibilities among all the family members.